So, last night, when Nikki got home, she decided to get a little pissy over every little thing. I tried, as best as I could, to not annoy her... but clearly I didn't do a good job.

She wanted to hit up this store called "The Witchery", but they closed at 6:00 monday - wednesday. She didn't have enough time, and she kept getting vocally irate about it. That sucked because I can't respond to that... I didn't make them have stupid hours.

After a while she goes on her usual "I'm hungry, what do I want?" phase of the evening. This time it resulted in us going to BP's for dinner, even though we had went there the day before for lunch... ordered the same things. While we were waiting for our food Nikki whipped out the Alphasmart NEO and started reading something I had written the other day...

See, on Sunday Nikki was having a bad day, so I decided to try and cheer her up by writing about her day. For a while we passed the NEO back and forth and typed out what was happeneing, or what one of us was thinking. It didn't have to be 100% accurate... unfortunately later in the night Nikki had started acting like her usual self, which always manages to remind me just how hopelessly in love with her I am... So, I wrote it out on the NEO. The last sentance entered in the file was "Tim loved Nikki."

So, Nikki reads it. She then sings, "I think I love you... but what am I so afraid of..." then she trailed off, not knowing anymore lyrics. After a bit she said, "This sentance sounds strange."

"What sentance?" I asked. She turned the NEO to me, she had highlighted the last couple of sentances. I read it, then looked up and asked, "You mean gramatically? Is there something wrong with how they're written?"

Of course, I already knew what she was going to say... and, of course she did. "It just makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't know what to say." Is her response.

Truth is, I didn't expect her to say anything. She knows how I feel and I'm tired of pretending like I don't have the feelings. I feel bad that it makes her uncomfortable, but it's like she told me 'You can't just turn feelings on and off with a switch.' It's a very true statement, but she should realize that it works both ways. I don't expect her to fall in love with me... but she shouldn't expect me to just stop loving her. I can't just do that... no matter how much it hurts.

She kept thinking I was worried through the rest of the night. I don't know why, I was fine. Sure, her saying that I made her uncomfortable made me feel bad, but other than that I was okay. Nothing was really bothering me, but I think things were bothering her, as she may have been expecting us to have another "talk" that would end with her shattering my heart, stabbing me in the back, and me walking away not wanting to talk anymore regardless of nothing being worked out. Truthfully, I don't want that again, and I know that's what happens when we have those talks.

After eating we went to Safeway, which was uneventful, then headed back home. After lugging the groceries upstairs we sat down at our respective computers and did whatever.

Nikki turns to me, "I lost it."

"What?"

"The story I was working on. When we reset my computer to fix the sound, I lost it all." She said, clearly upset.

Well, she should have backed it up... saved a file on her computer instead of just entering it into an LJ post and expecting it to stay (just as a side note, no she's not reading this. She doesn't know I'm on LJ). If the power had went out, or her computer rebooted itself, she would lost it all anyway. But, suddenly it felt like she was blaming me because I asked her to restart her computer to fix the issue. I don't know if she actually felt that it was my fault, but she kept looking at me like it was.

She gets back to writing her story, while I check my email. I get an email in regards to Christmas. My folks needed Nikki's email address to send the lists to, since she's taking part in our christmas this year (Nikki and I have an odd relationship.) So, I turned to her and asked if I could send her email address to my folks. She gave me this very irritated look before giving a quick yes. I go to type it in, then turn back to ask which email address she wants me to send (she has like 12). She gives me the same annoyed look and tells me, then quickly goes back to writing again.

I had another question, but couldn't bother to ask it. She didn't look too happy. It was in regards to the leftovers she left in my parents' fridge from Sunday... I told my mom to just toss it out instead of keeping it for us... we wouldn't be by for a while anyway. Then I remembered... LEFTOVERS! I left the leftover pizza in my car!

I ran downstairs and fetched my food, then checked the mail on the way up. There was a letter for someone in a completely different building (stupid canada post), and a slip saying to come pick up a package.

At last, my Supernatural swag had arrived! I couldn't wait to get Dean's pendant, and my "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." travel mug. So, I run the pizza upstairs and place it in the fridge. Then, I'm about to tell Nikki I'm leaving to pick my stuff up, but then I remembered how annoyed she was when I said anything to her before. So, instead, I slunk off quietly.

I was a little annoyed with her at that point. It wasn't my fault she didn't back her story up. She didn't have to act like I was the bad guy there. I muttered some choice words about her while driving to the post office.

When I get there, they have a sign up saying "Open from 8am to 8pm daily."

WHAT? The slip said they were open 'til 23:00, that's 11pm, not 8pm. That just made me even more irritated. Not only did I slink off to drive here, but I was going to return empty handed because the delivery slips are innacurate. Then, of course, there was the issue of 'what if Nikki calls me?' that went through my mind. I figure she'll notice I'm missing sooner or late (though at that moment I wasn't sure if she'd even cared that I was gone.)

On the drive back she called my cell and asked me where I was. I told her I went for a drive, whith clear irritation in my voice. I told her about the delivery slip, and the inaccuracy with closing time.

When I finally got home I was a little ticked off and didn't feel like talking much. Nikki wrote, I browsed forums. We were both, also, on the Calgary NaNoWriMo chat room, talking with people... somehow, even when I'm ticked off, I come off as a silly guy with those people... but then it's expected, they expect Silly Egotistical Tim, not Heartbroken Annoyed Tim. Somehow I manage this balancing act quite regularly.

Once it was near 10:00 we sat down to watch Heroes. We acted like nothing had happened earlier. We were friends, watching our show. Nobody was annoyed at anybody. It was just Nikki and "i'm secretly in love with you" Tim. While we were watching she put her hand out, for some reason I felt the urge to touch her... I reached out and put my hand on hers.

"Wow, you're warm for a change." I joked. It was true that she always had cold hands, so it was rare for her to be heated.

"It was hot in the office today." She explained, "I was sweating."

She flipped her hand about and held my hand in hers, giving a bit of a squeeze. Then we went back to watching the show.

Just another typical Monday.

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